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"Really? Sir, you're a huge douche bag" [22 Feb 2009|02:49pm]
"First of all I aint pushin' 1 for English, because soon we'll have to press 26 for english. They shouldn't let those people go ahead of us Americans."

If he had been in person, I would have punched him in the face. What a fucking twat. I calmly replied with:

"Wow. Well believe it or not English isn't the only language in the country or even the world. But i'm so sorry for that huge inconvenience."

I also had the joys of this one:

"Alright, can I get your phone number?"
"Why would I have my phone number? I don't call myself, duh"
"The other 100 people I talked to today didn't seem to have a problem knowing their phone number. Do you know your address? i'm sure you don't write yourself but...."

Fucking retards.
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[08 Feb 2009|05:55pm]
I am getting way more back in taxes than I imagined....

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Classic! [31 Jan 2009|12:51pm]
At August 29, 2002's MTV Video Music Awards at Radio City Music Hall in New York, Spears presented Michael Jackson with a birthday cake, but he misinterpreted Spears' brief introduction and gave an acceptance speech thanking her for proclaiming him Artist of the Millenium.

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[30 Jan 2009|02:15pm]
So, my nephew was born with a lot of birth defects. One of them caused him to have to pee through a hole in his stomach until december, when he had this groundbreaking incredibly expensive surgery so that he could be normal, aside from that he would have to cath himself multiple times a day. He's 14-we waited for this his whole life.

He promised and promised he would and understood that if he didn't his 1 kidney would die.

The mother fucker has been lying about cathing. His kidney is dying. The transplant doctor told him that if it does die, he will not be put on the transplant list (since he can control this), and he'll have to have dyalysis for the rest of this life.

What the hell is wrong with this kid? He's been skipping school, and my sister has been lying about what been going on. I told her she needs to pull him out of school unexpectedly, take him to get drug tested, then scare the shit out of him by making him talk to people and see them get dyalysis.

I get that he wants to be a "normal" kid, but it's way more normal to cath privately a few times a day than it is to high tail it up to a kidney clinic once a day so they can remove all the blood from your body, clean it, and put it back in.
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[24 Jan 2009|04:05pm]
These people are fucking retarded.

They're all upset because with the digital transition and our free boxes they can't use their ancient VCR's

Here is what I say to that: get a fucking DVR and only keep your VCR for watching those special moments caught on VHS 12220039949 YEARS AGO.

It's called a technology evolution--ADAPT OR FADE AWAY!

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[22 Jan 2009|09:00pm]
I am tearing my skin off! I have the allergist in the morning therefore I haven't had any allergy meds since monday....FUCK. everything itches. I really have no idea at this point what i'm allergic to, but it's making me a crazy person.
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[17 Jan 2009|09:27am]
"I had to get up and manually change the Valium...[intoxicated giggling]....I mean volume"
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Do your job [08 Jan 2009|06:24pm]
Wow, people in marketing suck lately. I just saw a commercial for Yoplait yogart and the tagline is "it is so good"

What kind of advertising is that? It's not even subliminal! I am insulted.
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[06 Jan 2009|07:43am]
this morning i dropped blackberry and now the screen is scratched

i dont know what to do with myself. so i put it on the other side of the room so i can't look at it.
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[04 Jan 2009|12:53pm]
Sharon Osbourne is the shit.
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[31 Dec 2008|05:55pm]
Im totally addicted to my blackberry. and i've only had it a few hours. this is going to be bad.
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[31 Dec 2008|10:44am]
Fuck me. When did I become such a lightweight? Ruffles chips and Gatorade have never looked so good.
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[28 Dec 2008|11:14pm]
Whitney Port looks like she's on drugs. On drugs without a thought in her head. Like a doll. On acid.

If you don't know who Whitney Port is, don't worry, i'm ashamed that I do.
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[28 Nov 2008|10:33am]
maybe jesus didn't walk on water, maybe he was standing on a whale...or a piece of wood.
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[21 Nov 2008|03:08am]
In case you were wondering..

....Twilight was horrendous. It was like they were parodying themselves!
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i know who nubbed you [16 Nov 2008|06:25pm]
HAHAAHA I Know Who Killed Me is fucking amazing. Lohan as an amputee and a stripper who smokes on public buses...

....why did this not get an Oscar?!
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ah-mazing [13 Nov 2008|03:50pm]
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[11 Nov 2008|09:40pm]
I'm just going to throw it out there---conjoined twins freak my shit out.

To never have a thought alone, someone always around if you take a shit. I wonder if they'll be virgins forever...

I wonder what they do if they get in a fight. Put a plastic boarder up between their heads? These things man, it'd be like a parasite that's always with you---I wonder if one is hungry and one isn't---craziness...

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mandatory "FUCK YEAH!" post [04 Nov 2008|08:53pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

Tomorrow we will wake up and know that in January, we will be an America working to rebuild instead of bomb.

This was not a close election, overwhelming and record breaking amounts of Americas of all races, creeds, genders, and other identities took part in something historic today.

I am in awe. I'm so proud of America today, it can only go up from here!

One hell of a climax!

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[02 Nov 2008|10:22am]
I have this book I found at a thrift shop years ago, it's called Christian Boys Problems...it was probably published in the 1940's.

Here are a few gems:

"When you approach that gate that says MEN WANTED, unless you have kept your body pure and clean, they will say 'no weaklings need apply here'"

"You will not marry  a cigarette smoking girl, hence you should not pal with one, else she will start you on this habit"

"that's right, christian fellow. tell your mother to be sure to use enriched flour!"

"The Christian Boy's Code:

My girl friends...
I pledge sincerely that i shall...
seek only girl pals who are Christian...
treat each girl as i want my sister treated...
respect her body as God's temple...
hold high moral code of honor....
not lower myself to the intimacies of petting...
chum with her in healthy recreations....
keep myself as pure as I want the girl to be who later shall be my life's companion...

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